Real Talk With Raze - What If....

What if?

What if, is a question I've often tried to avoid, because I'm typically a man of science and proof. I believe in what is possessed to work with and can be utilized to either create, repair or confirm. I am a die-hard fan of logical thought and experience wisdom prevailing over emotional leaps of theory and conjecture; particularly when people's lives hang in the balance.

It's come to my attention that there is a group of people who refuse to accept that I did NOT commit the crimes that I was recently found not guilty and ultimately exonerated of. And that's fine. I came to a realization about halfway through this mess that, the faith in God that I'd admittedly been neglecting to embrace as I should have been, taught me that the only true judge is God. God is the decider of our fates...be it positive or negative (which are both obviously based on perspective)...and it is on us to own that fate and deal with it. I found solace and comfort, somehow, in the fact that the only people that I needed to focus on making understand, see and believe the truth of what happened (and did NOT happen), were the jurors whom would ultimately decide my fate. So, with all of this said...

....what if?

What if YOU had spent the last 3/4ths of a decade trying to learn to be the adult you NEEDED to be, for the sake of your family? What if you gave up job opportunities for the sake of your spouse's schooling? What if you endeared yourself to a fatherless child, so deeply that you took her on as YOUR OWN, in spite of feelings of guilt for your biological daughters not getting the same benefits of day-to-day fatherhood that she would, as your step-daughter? What if you found out that this now teenage girl, had psycho-emotional issues and you worked with your wife to get her the help she most desperately needed, only to have financial burdens force you to stop those treatments? What if you met someone that you loved so deeply that you went against every rule in the book and tattooed her name on your ring finger...and watched as she did the same of you? What if you gave your all to a relationship, helped motivate your wife and helped her find her inner warrior of awesomeness in achievement? What if you f*cked up, got caught and almost lost this woman? What if you prayed so hard and deeply for forgiveness for your sins, that the Lord compelled this woman to forgive you and HEAR YOU...and continue to work with you past that...because she believed in what ya'll could accomplish TOGETHER? What if you'd fought through the struggles of making right, the mistakes of your much younger self, to eventually have found yourself EXACTLY where you'd always wanted to be; great careered working professional, friend to many who was helped and helped himself many times, devoted father and helplessly in love husband. What if you were financially secure, and less than 2 years away from financial prosperity? What if you.....had it ALL?

THEN........

What if......it was all taken from you?

What if you woke up one day, having to discipline your step-daughter by taking away what you know to this point, is the most important "event" in her young life? What if you cared so much about the importance of this event to her, that you STILL tried to work with her in some way around the punishment, so that she could still go.....because....you cared. And being 36yrs old, you weren't that far removed from remembering what your sheltered teenage life was like? What if you'd spent the last 3 days having an amazing time with your son and step-daughter, while mom was unfortunately away soaking up what presumably would be the last extended time she'd spend with her dying father? What if you considered this man a father and friend and also were battling your own sadness and borderline depression...because you needed to be strong for not only the woman you love, but for your children that have always known and loved this man as their awesome grandfather? What if you leave your office to pick up your spouse from the airport, and are overcome by the greatest feeling of COMPLETION you've felt in years? What if that hug, and those kisses...meant EVERYTHING and made everything...make sense?

What if....after a few hours of bliss, you were vilified. By the very stepchild that you'd helped raise for 7 years...in the worst way imaginable? What if you, in the span of 10 words, were forced to see everything that you and your wife and family had persevered, worked and fought for...destroyed...by a lie...? Your home, the promise of the dream house, being able to provide to your children's college educations, finishing putting your wife through school...advancing your own career...and by the grace of God, finally landing at the spot that 10yrs prior, nobody on Earth, other than that wife of yours, would have ever believed that you were capable of getting to...? What if, everything you loved was ripped apart and there was nothing you could do to stop the pain? What if YOU had to watch the maelstrom of emotions, feelings and thoughts overcome the love of your life? What if YOU could do nothing but sit, in shock, punch-drunk by the gravity of The Big Picture? What if YOU were pulled from your desk at work, in cuffs, by police officers who were working off nothing but an accusation....no evidence....no proof....just a story....an accusation??? What if you were put under arrest and forced to sit for weeks behind steel and concrete, powerless to say or do anything about what's happening to you and your family? What if YOU watched it all fall apart....

What if....this were YOU.........and you were INNOCENT?

See, the impulse for almost all of us, whether we're parents or not, is to protect our children. They ARE the future (pardon the cliche). However, what happens when en route to protecting our children, we f*ck it all up and vilify an innocent man? See, THIS is the question that I have wanted many of my detractors to ask themselves....WHAT IF I DIDN'T DO IT? What if, I'm telling the truth? Are we so wrapped up in protecting our youth that we are truly willing to sacrifice the lives of good people on a "just in case"?

The unfortunate fact in all of this mess, is that the only ones that know the truth of what did or didn't happen that fateful weekend, are myself, my step-daughter and God. While I truly believe that The Lord has allowed me to continue my life, so that I can continue to be a positive provider for my children, my biggest battle isn't rebuilding my career; that will come. It's not talking about my experience throughout this ordeal; that's easy because I WANT to speak about it because there's many lessons to be taken from it for ALL of us to varying degrees. My biggest battle is finding understanding in The Why. Why did this happen? Why would my daughter cook this mess up? Why would my wife, tell me with her own mouth, that she "could and would never believe that (I) would do something like this"...only to turn around and abandon me, when I need her the most? Why did the people, many of whom referred to me as "their Brother", turn so easily on me; believing a falsehood that LITERALLY goes against EVERYTHING that any of them have EVER known me to be? Why would they all give blind eyes to the actual, tangible evidence that was presented in the case, which proves on multiple levels that I didn't do this? Why am I expendable, simply by virtue of being an adult....? Why would God put us all through this tribulation, only to come out of it a separated, bitter, confused, angry, hurting mess?

None of those Why's may ever be answered directly. I, my wife or any of us may ever learn the answers to many or any of these questions, and because of that, I fight for understanding and closure. I fight to get back what has been taken, plus change. I do so with love in my heart...because no matter how any of this plays itself out...I harbor no ill will or loss of love for anyone on either side of things. Why? Because I've always found my perspectives to be from a very unique place, and from my perspective...I UNDERSTAND. It's not right, but I understand. I hope that people out here, can learn something from this...cautionary tale of sorts, that my life has temporarily become. I pray that as my life continues, that this tale becomes one of Love triumphing over despair. Because I still love my wife, our daughter and what our family had/has the potential to become and achieve. But, first and foremost...what I ask of anyone reading this is....

.....what if........this all happened TO YOU?